Heaven's Help for the Home Part 2

The second secret to a successful marriage is found in

Establishing Independence in your Marriage

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother"

The word leave implies separation. He is talking about is not physical location. You can live close to or even with parents. There is nothing wrong with that.


It has to do with this question: who do you as an adult recieve your emotional support from. Who do you run to first when there is a need in your life? There is an issue of independence when a spouse gets their emotional needs or other needs that are met primarily by a parent rather then a spouse. If my loyalty lies more with someone outside my marriage, than with my spouse, then I am breaking this rule and I will not see success in my marriage.


This lingering loyalty to or the over-influence from our families after marriage is an important one to confront in order to have a successful marriage. We must recognize and confront as necessary what are called any unresolved family of origin issues. These are influences from my home life and upbringing, that influence and affect me as an adult and come out in all relationships.



All of us have had issues that came about because of our upbringing, that make us who we are and cause us to respond the way we do. For example, if your family was very touchy-feely, and you married someone from a family that was distant and didn't like to the touchy stuff, you could have issues in those regards. If you came from a home where the family sat down every night for dinner, and that was important to you, and your spouse came from a home where the family seldom sat down together for meals, you may have to talk through these type issues. If you come from a family that is out there in there verbal arguments, and you marry someone that is very private and non-verbal, you will have to work on talking through issues. Nothing right or wrong in these, just that our upbringing has much to do with how we relate to our spouse, and we need to recognize that.


But there are also deeper emotional ties that hinder our independence from family influence that must be dealt with for a marriage to be successful. If you come from a home where there was abuse - either verbal or physical or sexual, if you come from a home where there was addictions, or these types of issues, and they have never been recognized or resolved, you will have issues that can keep you from having a healthy marriage relationship.

Heaven’s Help for the Home Part 1

Four secrets for a successful marriage

The family is the single most vital relationship to the world. Without the family and the home there is no world. That is the basic structure of any city, of any government of the world. If you don’t have homes you don’t have a world. That is why the enemy is so strongly fighting against the home --he knows if he wants ruin and destroy the world that God created all he has to do is destroy the home. As the home goes, so goes the world. As the home goes so goes the church. It is therefore vital that our homes be successfully built upon the priniciples of God's Word.

There is a declaration that is repeated several times throughout the Bible that gives the secret of God's thought on marriage, and the secret to a successful marriage. It is found once in Genesis at the establishment of the marriage of Adam and Eve, and then once in the gospels and once Paul repeats it in the book of Ephesians.

Here is what it says: "And Jesus answered and said, 'Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and two shall become one flesh. Consequently they are no longer two but one flesh. Wherefore, what God has joined together let no man separate.' ” Matthew 19:4

Our home will be a success when I

1. Value the Institution of Marriage

Jesus said in the first part of verse 4 - Jesus said for this cause - What cause? – For marriage, so this is the first secret that you learn to value - the institution of marriage. Those that have successful marriages have looked at this and said marriage is vital even though it is under attack, it is God’s plan for the world and so what we find is this - when you look at marriage, the biblical teaching of marriage is God gives a man to a women or a woman to a man and in that commitment before God there then enters a third person that becomes a part of that home and that person is God. He begins to energize and bless and protect and begins work in that home and it brings heaven on earth when we invite that third person to come in. For this cause marriage is a good cause – it is a godly thing - it is God’s idea.

When you go back to the very beginning of the bible in Genesis 3 you find that God thought it up, it was not man who decided it. God brought Eve to Adam and give them to be husband and wife. It was God’s idea and as long as we understand, because the home and marriage is under such incredible attack, there are many who are thinking, “I just don’t know if it is worth it or not.” It is a sad day when those who grow up single and want to stay single say, “I have seen marriages and I don’t want any part of that.”

Everything that God always does there is always going to be distortion and perversion to it. But don’t let that discourage you. Just because people live together, decide that they are going to have babies before they get married, just because there is this matter of gay marriages and there is always going to be distortions and perversions to God and what He desires. But that does not change the fact that God has established the home to be a man and woman under him and when that happens, indeed there is heaven on earth. God’s standard does not change and when we follow His principals when we make a choice that we are going to value what God values and God has instituted marriage for a purpose beyond just meeting our greatest need. He has instituted marriage for His glory to represent to the world how He loves His people. Husbands love your wives – Paul said, as Christ loved the church. If the world wants to know how God loved the church by sending His son Jesus Christ, they ought to be able to look at men and our love for our wives. So God has an incredible value - He has an investment in our homes and so He energizes our desire to seek Him and be a husband and wife that honors Him. He has established the home and it can honor Him. Don’t despair when you look around and see and you hear the statistics of what is going on. It still works – God’s plan for the home still works.