Heaven's Help for the Home Part 2

The second secret to a successful marriage is found in

Establishing Independence in your Marriage

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother"

The word leave implies separation. He is talking about is not physical location. You can live close to or even with parents. There is nothing wrong with that.


It has to do with this question: who do you as an adult recieve your emotional support from. Who do you run to first when there is a need in your life? There is an issue of independence when a spouse gets their emotional needs or other needs that are met primarily by a parent rather then a spouse. If my loyalty lies more with someone outside my marriage, than with my spouse, then I am breaking this rule and I will not see success in my marriage.


This lingering loyalty to or the over-influence from our families after marriage is an important one to confront in order to have a successful marriage. We must recognize and confront as necessary what are called any unresolved family of origin issues. These are influences from my home life and upbringing, that influence and affect me as an adult and come out in all relationships.



All of us have had issues that came about because of our upbringing, that make us who we are and cause us to respond the way we do. For example, if your family was very touchy-feely, and you married someone from a family that was distant and didn't like to the touchy stuff, you could have issues in those regards. If you came from a home where the family sat down every night for dinner, and that was important to you, and your spouse came from a home where the family seldom sat down together for meals, you may have to talk through these type issues. If you come from a family that is out there in there verbal arguments, and you marry someone that is very private and non-verbal, you will have to work on talking through issues. Nothing right or wrong in these, just that our upbringing has much to do with how we relate to our spouse, and we need to recognize that.


But there are also deeper emotional ties that hinder our independence from family influence that must be dealt with for a marriage to be successful. If you come from a home where there was abuse - either verbal or physical or sexual, if you come from a home where there was addictions, or these types of issues, and they have never been recognized or resolved, you will have issues that can keep you from having a healthy marriage relationship.