Heaven's Help for the Home Part 2

The second secret to a successful marriage is found in

Establishing Independence in your Marriage

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother"

The word leave implies separation. He is talking about is not physical location. You can live close to or even with parents. There is nothing wrong with that.


It has to do with this question: who do you as an adult recieve your emotional support from. Who do you run to first when there is a need in your life? There is an issue of independence when a spouse gets their emotional needs or other needs that are met primarily by a parent rather then a spouse. If my loyalty lies more with someone outside my marriage, than with my spouse, then I am breaking this rule and I will not see success in my marriage.


This lingering loyalty to or the over-influence from our families after marriage is an important one to confront in order to have a successful marriage. We must recognize and confront as necessary what are called any unresolved family of origin issues. These are influences from my home life and upbringing, that influence and affect me as an adult and come out in all relationships.



All of us have had issues that came about because of our upbringing, that make us who we are and cause us to respond the way we do. For example, if your family was very touchy-feely, and you married someone from a family that was distant and didn't like to the touchy stuff, you could have issues in those regards. If you came from a home where the family sat down every night for dinner, and that was important to you, and your spouse came from a home where the family seldom sat down together for meals, you may have to talk through these type issues. If you come from a family that is out there in there verbal arguments, and you marry someone that is very private and non-verbal, you will have to work on talking through issues. Nothing right or wrong in these, just that our upbringing has much to do with how we relate to our spouse, and we need to recognize that.


But there are also deeper emotional ties that hinder our independence from family influence that must be dealt with for a marriage to be successful. If you come from a home where there was abuse - either verbal or physical or sexual, if you come from a home where there was addictions, or these types of issues, and they have never been recognized or resolved, you will have issues that can keep you from having a healthy marriage relationship.

Heaven’s Help for the Home Part 1

Four secrets for a successful marriage

The family is the single most vital relationship to the world. Without the family and the home there is no world. That is the basic structure of any city, of any government of the world. If you don’t have homes you don’t have a world. That is why the enemy is so strongly fighting against the home --he knows if he wants ruin and destroy the world that God created all he has to do is destroy the home. As the home goes, so goes the world. As the home goes so goes the church. It is therefore vital that our homes be successfully built upon the priniciples of God's Word.

There is a declaration that is repeated several times throughout the Bible that gives the secret of God's thought on marriage, and the secret to a successful marriage. It is found once in Genesis at the establishment of the marriage of Adam and Eve, and then once in the gospels and once Paul repeats it in the book of Ephesians.

Here is what it says: "And Jesus answered and said, 'Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and two shall become one flesh. Consequently they are no longer two but one flesh. Wherefore, what God has joined together let no man separate.' ” Matthew 19:4

Our home will be a success when I

1. Value the Institution of Marriage

Jesus said in the first part of verse 4 - Jesus said for this cause - What cause? – For marriage, so this is the first secret that you learn to value - the institution of marriage. Those that have successful marriages have looked at this and said marriage is vital even though it is under attack, it is God’s plan for the world and so what we find is this - when you look at marriage, the biblical teaching of marriage is God gives a man to a women or a woman to a man and in that commitment before God there then enters a third person that becomes a part of that home and that person is God. He begins to energize and bless and protect and begins work in that home and it brings heaven on earth when we invite that third person to come in. For this cause marriage is a good cause – it is a godly thing - it is God’s idea.

When you go back to the very beginning of the bible in Genesis 3 you find that God thought it up, it was not man who decided it. God brought Eve to Adam and give them to be husband and wife. It was God’s idea and as long as we understand, because the home and marriage is under such incredible attack, there are many who are thinking, “I just don’t know if it is worth it or not.” It is a sad day when those who grow up single and want to stay single say, “I have seen marriages and I don’t want any part of that.”

Everything that God always does there is always going to be distortion and perversion to it. But don’t let that discourage you. Just because people live together, decide that they are going to have babies before they get married, just because there is this matter of gay marriages and there is always going to be distortions and perversions to God and what He desires. But that does not change the fact that God has established the home to be a man and woman under him and when that happens, indeed there is heaven on earth. God’s standard does not change and when we follow His principals when we make a choice that we are going to value what God values and God has instituted marriage for a purpose beyond just meeting our greatest need. He has instituted marriage for His glory to represent to the world how He loves His people. Husbands love your wives – Paul said, as Christ loved the church. If the world wants to know how God loved the church by sending His son Jesus Christ, they ought to be able to look at men and our love for our wives. So God has an incredible value - He has an investment in our homes and so He energizes our desire to seek Him and be a husband and wife that honors Him. He has established the home and it can honor Him. Don’t despair when you look around and see and you hear the statistics of what is going on. It still works – God’s plan for the home still works.

Taming Your Tongue

James 3

The tongue is one of mankind's most dangerous organs. It has sliced and diced many a heart. Many have an unintentional problem with their tongues- they don't intend to hurt people, or speak out, or offend, etc., but it just sneaks out before we can catch ourselves. Others, often thinking that is the right thing to always do, "speak their mind" in ways that are offensive or at the very least not Christ honoring.

James spends almost a whole chapter of his 5 chapter book on the tongue. If you have a problem with your tongue, in what you say, or how you say it, what should you do? How can you deal with it when the Holy Spirit brings it up to your heart? Here are some helpful tips:

Acknowledge Its Power
Proverbs 18:21– “Death and Life are in the power of the tongue.” How many I've known through the years who have had a harsh or biting word said to them, that affected them to the core, and though it happened years before, they still remember it like it was yesterday. Your words are important, and have a power to touch, and change a life. Do you realize that every day, you have, by your words, the power to make someone's life better or worse, happier or more miserable? How do you use that power?

Admit Your Weakness
Rom. 6:13a – “don’t go on yielding your members to sin as instruments of unrighteousness …” One of the signs of a mature believer is that the Holy Spirit shows them when they sin. Have you ever sensed the Spirit convicting you over your words? Have you ever felt guilty after going on a tirade, or gossiping, or criticizing unmercifully another...? You need to recognize the Spirit wants you to know it is sin, and wants to help you stop. But you must admit you have a problem (that's called confession), and then seek His help in changing you.

Agonize in Prayer
Rom. 6:13 – “yield your members as instruments of righteousness to God…”
Ps. 19:14– “Let the words of my mouth… be pleasing to thee”
Ps. 141:3– “Set a guard over my mouth O Lord…” These last 2 verses are prayers! They would be good to verbalize in our prayer time concerning our own tongue. We tend to pray in a very general way about sin. Pray and ask God to help you in a specific way-- "Lord, I yield my tongue to You, and ask You to help my words glorify You today...." May what I say be pleasing to You... Guard my mouth, help me to stop before I get going...."

Avoid Excessive Talk
2 Tim. 2:16 – “avoid godless chatter, because it will become more and more ungodly …”

Prov. 10:19– “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable…”

Determine to Bridle It
Matt. 12:36– “in the day of judgment you will give account of every careless word…”

Col. 4:6– “Let your speech be always with grace…”

Eph. 4:29– “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only that which is good for edifying, that it may give grace to the hearers”

You can get victory over a loose tongue, over one that is constantly tearing down rather than building up, critical and negative rather than encouraging and positive. Determine it dishonors God, it hinders His work in His body the Church, and that you will allow Him to control it and bring glory to Himself.

It's Time for another New Year!

Are you ready for it?

"New Year" implies something typically very hard for us to handle– not something that comes naturally or that we jump up and down about. It implies "transition". Transitions bring with them something at times very hard to accept. We never know how it is going to come. Many times they catch us off-guard. They at times arrive like a unexpected package on our doorstep left by UPS.

Transition is defined as– a passing from 1 place, activity, topic, or thing to another. It is built into the very fabric of life by God:
Time: Every 12 hours
Every 24 hours
Every 7 days
Every 30 days
Every 90 days– seasons
Every 365 days– year
Humanity: birth/child/teen/young adult/adult/senior adult
Parent: no children/young child/toddler/adolescence/teen/young adult/gone
Marriage: single/married/children/empty nest/grandkids/
Job or School
Bible: has a major transition from the Old Testament to the New Testament
Salvation: preconversion/conviction/conversion/growth/glory
Every Biblical Character God used in a mighty way experienced Transition in their life.

– Let’s look at Moses, Exodus 3


Transitions are built into the very fabric of life, and always demand a response. God allows or brings transition into our life to nudge us up the Chrislikeness scale. But we if we understand and respond to it correctly, we receive incredible blessings from God.

Looking at the life of Moses, let's see what blessings He received by responding correctly to the transitions God brought into his life:

He experienced God's Purpose– Exodus 3:7-10 -- Moses had been a shepherd, but now was being called by God to be personally involved in God's deliverance of the nation. He would have missed God's purpose for his life without this transition-- he would have stayed a shepherd.

He experienced God's Provision– Exodus 15:22- 16:4 -- God miraculously provided for Moses and the Israelites due to Moses' willingness to accept this "transition" in his life.

He experienced God's Presence—Exodus 3:12,14; 6:3; 15:26; 17:15 -- the difficulties brought on by this transition brought Moses into a deeper understanding of who God was. God revealed Himself to Moses as a direct result of the transitions.

He experienced God's Power– Exodus 3– burning bush; plagues; Red Sea. He saw God's activity in ways he never would have seen without this transition in his life.

He revealed God's Character– 2 Cor. 3:7 -- God's character and glory showed in his face and flowed through him from his contact with and obedience to God's . Paul says of Moses:
the children of Israel could not stedfastly behold the face of Moses for the glory of his countenance..." God's ultimate desire in bringing or allowing transition into our lives is to make us like His Son and reveal His Son through us. Do people see Jesus in you?

As you look to a new year, it means transition- Letting go of the old, embracing the new; Releasing the past, receiving the future; Are you ready for it?

When Temptation Handles You.

We've been talking about Temptation and how to handle it. What do we do when the inevitable happens, and it wins? When you give in to the temptation, what then?

We can learn some important lessons from David in his Psalm 51, and looking at the experience he had with losing to temptation (2 Samuel 11-12) , and what he did immediately afterward....

1. Repent of the Sin

Psalm 51 reveals that true repentance is when we take--

A. Full Responsibility—not diminishing its sinfulness/wickedness and horribleness (various words for sin used here and in Ps. 32). 3 different words he uses, "Sin", "transgression", and "iniquity", show he understood the depths to which he had fallen. He didn't deny it, or try to minimize how awful it was what he had done. We are truly repentant when we take full responsibility for our sin, and realize the truth of what we have done, see it as God sees and call it what God calls it. Not soft peddling it.

B. Personal Responsibility—not blaming anyone else. Look at the number of times I, me, mine used in first verses of Ps. 51. Many want to deflect attention from themselves and their part in any sin. David saw his own responsibility and accepted that before God.

C. Godward Responsibility—it also affects my relationship to a holy God. V4—I have grieved a holy God in these awful acts. There is no "victimless" sin-- it may not seem it, but even if no one else is involvd, it affects our fellowship with a holy God.

2. Recognize Godly Conviction

The Holy Spirit Convicts of sin, righteousness… He only brings to our hearts those things we are guilty of. And it comes to us as awareness, guilt, shame, for what we have done. God's conviction is always specific.

Many are under a general cloud of guilt that does not come from God, but is from the enemy. Satan, being an "accuser of the brethren", is ever about reminding us of things God has forgiven us of, trying to make us feel unworthy, incapable of serving Him.

What does God do with confessed sin properly repented of?

“Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea…” Micah 7:19
“for Thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back…” Isaiah 38:17
“ As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12

3. Readily Confess
In 2 Samuel 12:13, when David was confronted with his sin, he immediately said, "I have sinned against the Lord..." . He readily confessed when he was confronted. We can learn from his example. The longer we delay in confessing, the more we empower the enemy and the harder it becomes to deal victoriously with the sin.

David is the only man in the Bible called a man after God's own heart. Was it because he was perfect? Obviously not. It was because when his sin was revealed to him, he readily agreed with God's verdict on it.

4. Redeem the Failure

Psalm 51:14 “then I will teach transgressors…” Your failure can be the single greatest token of God's amazing grace the world ever sees. Many never recover from a failure because they are afraid someone will find out about it or think less of them. The failure becomes a "stick" in the hands of Satan to keep us fearful, cowering in fear, or intimidated thinking we could never do anything for God, "look what we've done, how we've failed...." Nothing could be further from the truth. The folks God uses most effectively are not the perfect ones, but the ones who have allowed God to help them overcome their failures. They've not wasted their failures, they have allowed God to redeem them. You can too.

Moses, Paul, and a host of others join David in winning over the ultimate failure.

Addiction led to the worlwide ministry of Celebrate Recovery
Bankruptcy led to salvation and ministry of Dave Ramsey
Abortion has led to ministry of many in Crisis Pregnancy ministries
Pornography addiction led to the founding of Citizens for Chrisitan Values in Ohio

"all things work together for good to those who love God..."

May God use these truths to help you in your spiritual walk. If you would like an audio of this message, please contact me with your address, or email me. You will find our email address at our church website is http://www.rhbaptist.org/

Which Kingdom are you In?

In Rev. 11:15, teh "kingdom of this world becomes the kingdom of our Lord...". Untilmately that happens, in teh meantime there are 2 kingdoms-- the World and the Heavenly. They both have values and principles to live by. When you are of the world, you live by the world's principles and are worldly, of the world. When you are in the kingdom of heaven, you live by heaven's principles, and blessed by Heaven's king.


In the Parable of the Kingdom in Matthew 20:1-16, we see a Landowner, who is . . .

1. Passionate in His Love for the Vineyard.
Sometimes the simplest truth, the truth that sets me free, is the one hardest to get my mind around. And sometimes, that difficulty hinders my walk and service to the King. At times, we just need to pause and reflect on that simple truth-- God, the creator of the universe and one true and living and holy God, loves you. You are the "apple of His eye", the joy of His heart, the one He sent His Son to die for.

Look at how The Message describes His incredible love and grace, that He has lavished on us...

Ephesians 1:3-9; 11-14

How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. 4 Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. 5 Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) 6 He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. 7 Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people - free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! 8 He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, 9 letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, 10 a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth. 11 It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, 12 part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. 13 It's in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free - signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. 14 This signet from God is the first installment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life. (The Message)

You think He loves you? You bet!

2. Persistent in His Pursuit of Laborers.

He pursues Continually.
Often there is an intentional process He uses to get us “on frequency” with Him: a circumstance, an event, a maturity level, a colleague or coworker, a difficulty, an observation... But he is persistant in His pursuit of us, as the"hound of Heaven", coming back again and again seeking us and convicting us and drawing us to Himself.

He pursues Expectantly. "Why are you standing here idle?" is the question of one who has offered opportunity, and knows there is no reason to not be in the vineyard. He expects us to be participating in the harvest.

He pursues Knowing our Limitations. Some are limited by time, or age... They get into the vineyard late, but are still able to contribute something, and are given the chance. He knows our limitations, but still wants us active. Notice, it's never too late to get in. To e saed, to serve in the vineyard.

3. Powerful in His Presence among the Laborers. Matt 4:24 shows us what happens when Jesus is reigning in His kingdom. And these things will happen around us as we are living the Kingdom life. Whgen you live according to His principles, He is active and moving. Though it may seem difficult, it is the only way to experience the full and abundant life He promised.

4. Punctual in His Payment of Laborers.Though the pament is different than some expect, God's grace is abundant as He pays what He has promised, not what is deserved. But He can to trusted to be faithful to His promise. There is a payday coming

Overcoming Temptation

This is a combination of 2 sermons I preached recently on Dealing with Temptation. You can call the church office for the audio version.

We all face temptation. James 1:13 gives the source of tempation: "every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lusts and enticed..." How can a person face and overcome the inevitable times they face temptation?

Recognize the Power of Smallness. Many understimate the importance of taking little steps toward victory, little stands against temptation. Standing against and being victorious over any temptation gives us strength to face stronger temptations.

Think about David's sin with Bathsheba. There were several small battles he fought before he consumated that sin in an act of immorality with her. In 2 Samuel 11, there are a number of "small" battles he lost in the temptation, that could have changed the outcome of his sin.

CS Lewis puts it like this:

Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible. (Mere Christianity, p. 117)

Reckon self to be “dead to sin” and Rededicate your “members” to God (Rom. 6:11-13). Victory over sin comes when we begin to understand our position as children of God. We are dead to sin, it has no power over us unless we let it. And because sin always expresses itself through our body, we must constantly be yielding the "members of our bodies" to God so they will be instruments of righteousness, and not instruments of sin.

Resist and Surrender to God. "Submit yourelves therefore to God; resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7). There comes a time when you have tobecome antagonistic -- "enough, I'm not going to be Satan's puppet in this... I've had enough of being controled by this sin..." .

Reflect on the cost of the sin. (Prov. 6:28; Prov. 7:6-27) There is always a payday for sin. Satan seldome reveals the ultimate patday for the sin he is tempting us with. One of the saddest scriptures in the Old Testament is the description of Samson-- he gave up his secret to a persistant temptress, his hair was cut, his strength disappeared, and when he awoke to fight of the Philistines, the Bible says "he knew not the Lord had departed from him..." . That is what giving in to sin always does if we do not squarely face before the cost of committing that sin. And honestly looking at the cost will better motivate us to avoid that sin.

Here is one man's partial list of the cost he would pay for sexual sin. He would review this list whenever he was feeling particularly vulnerable to sexual temptation:

—Grieving the Lord who redeemed me.
—Dragging his sacred name into the mud.
—One day having to look Jesus, the Righteous Judge, in the face and give an account of my actions.
—Inflicting untold hurt on Nanci, my best friend and loyal wife.
—Losing Nanci's respect and trust.
—Hurting my beloved daughters, Karina and Angie.
—Destroying my example and credibility with my children, and nullifying both present and future efforts to teach them to obey God ("Why listen to a man who betrayed Mom and us?").
—If my blindness should continue or my wife be unable to forgive, perhaps losing my wife and my children forever.
—Causing shame to my family ("Why isn't Daddy a pastor anymore?").
—Losing self-respect.
—Creating a form of guilt awfully hard to shake. Even though God would forgive me, would I forgive myself?
—Forming memories and flashbacks that could plague future intimacy with my wife.
—Wasting years of ministry training and experience for a long time, maybe permanently.
—Forfeiting the effect of years of witnessing to my father and reinforcing his distrust for ministers that has only begun to soften by my example but that would harden, perhaps permanently, because of my immorality.
—Undermining the faithful example and hard work of other Christians in our community.
—Bringing great pleasure to Satan, the enemy of God and all that is good.
—Heaping judgment and endless difficulty on the person with whom I committed adultery.
—Possibly bearing the physical consequences of such diseases as gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, herpes, and AIDS; perhaps infecting Nanci or, in the case of AIDS, even causing her death.
—Possibly causing pregnancy, with the personal and financial implications, including a lifelong reminder of my sin.
—Bringing shame and hurt to these fellow pastors and elders: (list names)
—Causing shame and hurt to these friends, especially those I've led to Christ and discipled: (list names)
—Invoking shame and lifelong embarrassment upon myself.

The Real and Untold Cost July 1, 1996
Randy Alcorn
1996 by Christianity Today International/LEADERSHIP journal

Renew your mind with the Word. Temptation plays with our minds. It is where the battle is waged, and often lost. Before we give in to sin, we always debate and/or begin to rationalize it. We will first begin to "ok" sin in our minds before we do it. Therefore, we must keep our minds saturated with the Word, or we will believe the lie of temptation. We lose the battle many times because we believe a lie. The Word keeps our mind on the truth. "Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Rom. 12:2

Remove your greatest hindrances.
“Bad company corrupts good morals.”1 Cor. 15:33
“flee also youthful lusts…” 2 Tim. 2:22
"come out from among them and be ye separate..." 2 Cor. 6:17

Many do not cosistently win over temptation because they continually surround ourselves with the things that cause our downfall. It may be friends, activities, past baggage unresolved, places you frequent, the music, movies, or thoughts you fill your mind with. All of these are common causes for defeat. Many times, the secret in breaking the power of temptation in a certain area is in removing yourself from its presence, or the presence of those who are participating in it.

Recruit trusted friend(s)
“and if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of 3 strands is not easily torn apart.” Ecc. 4:12

One of the most common reasons we don't overcome sin is we want to hide it and refuse to let anyone know we're struggling with a certain temptation. Or, we are embarrased, and resist asking for help. But having a trusted spiritual friend who can pray for you, and hold you accountable, and ask you the hard questions, and not be a yes person to you will be invaluable in overcoming temptation. Who do you know that could be a friend to you in this? Ask them if they will be willing to hold you accountable and help you get through this struggle.

May God bless you as you face and overcome temptation. If this has been a help to you, I'd love to hear about it. Click on comment, and drop me a note.